Avril Lavigne - Wish You Were Here

This actually what I feel like right now and I can't stop it....

Here Beside Me

Me and him got coupled up on Facebook.

I was kinda wishing it didn't happen.

now everybody's talking about him,

And I miss him.

People ask me why you love him.

the thing is,

I don't even know.

There's this feeling,

that I don't even know existed.

When I miss him,

I want him near me,

just holding my hands is enough.

*crying*

it's not like I chose him.

I didn't.

It just happened.

At that time,

I wasn't searching for love or anything.

I was happy with Chum & Becca & Rach.

And *BOOM*,

it happened.

SM knows.

She asked me,

Does he deserve your love?

I DON'T KNOW.

Although I answered NO to her,

I wanna believe he does.

Now,

I don't know what to do,

I just want someone to hug me tight and never let go.

:: Gotta Be You ::

We're back from the Tanjung Sepat trip!!

We slept for about 2 hours only yesterday so I slept for another 4 hours at home. Can't hold my eyes any longer. ><

Yesterday,

Dad sent me to school and I arrived the same time as Adelyn. I'm like "YAY!! I won't be alone!"

Then he came. I was like "I don't see anything." But I did and I like it. ;)

Green and V-necked. At that moment I was kinda in a denial but he's hot. ><

We all decided to wear rainbow shirts. :DD

Turns out to be a great idea. :DD (who thought of it: MOI xDD)

We got on the bus and we're off.

Carmen and I had a promise and she said she's gonna keep it and I was like, "I dunno... " She's even gonna put a picture with it. WALAO.

We went to dragonfruit farm and longan farm. :DD

The whole time, I was holding on to someone's hand (made me feel a lot safer) and stalking him, really.

When one time I got really dreamy about him that I typed on my phone and I showed my people.

Chum go take my phone and ran off to show it to him.

I was like screaming my head off. dang you.

Then, we went to the lover's bridge to have our lunch.

After eating, we all went for a walk on the bridge.

It would have been nice to walk with a guy but with my people, it's enough. =)

And at night, we all played in the sand, writing our names on it, built a fort which looks like a freaking UFO.

Then we played games and talked to our cute class teacher.

ARGHH... class politics totally ruined the damn talk.

Then, after we went to our room, we started our talk.

I found out something about him and I didn't care.

I thought, "I'll show you that I'm different from her. Because I am."

I cried in the toilet, even.

And we all ended up with 2 hours of sleep. LMAO.

IN the bus, me and Carmen took fab pictures and hope it comes out right.

SO,

IT WAS AWESOME. THE SCENERIES. THE TIME SPENT WITH MY PEOPLE.

I LOVE THEM SO VERY MUCH.

and I've decided that I'm not gonna stop loving him and I'll show him that I'm different from her.

And the only coincidence on facebook is that nowadays when I go online, he goes online... >< I'm so full of myself.

And I'm skipping my activity tomorrow to watch Breaking Dawn: Part 1. :DD

I'm so gonna cry.

:: A Thousand Years ::

A song called "A Thousand Years" sang by Christina Perri, the lady who sang "Jar Of Hearts".

A few parts of the lyrics are at the bottom.

It's made for Breaking Dawn. And I love it. c:

It sounds so..... indescribable.

I'm gonna watch Breaking Dawn with Joelle this Thursday at Mid Valley.

On the premiere day. Hope it's gonna be good.

It's midnight now and I'm still not sleeping.

Tomorrow I have to wake up early to go to the trip.

All things are set, only my mind and heart aren't.

I'm gonna see him again and I'm scared.

For once, I'm scared to see someone I miss so much.

I'm scared to death and I don't know why.

I miss all my family too but I'm not scared to see them.

I guess I'm scared that the feeling will pour out again.

I feel like I buried it in me. BECCA, I told you. It's bad.

He and I have no connections left.

I hope the trip goes well and I wish that we can have fun, without any emotions involved.

How to be brave?

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?

I have died every day waiting for you~~

Deadbeat.

I started out with a weird feeling in me today.

Because of that stupid dream. ==

I went to school today because I had a fund-raising performance today near ChungHwa.

I expected it to be like boring and dull.

But it was fun,

except for the part where I had to carry my double bass up and down the damn complex and the bus. ==

We all were urging the teachers to let us go eat something and we finally could.

We went to Secret Recipe to eat cake and drink tea. :D

GAHHHH

And I went to the bakery to get me some Portugese Egg Tart.

So, it was time for us to perform and I swear the people down there were like only focusing on their food on the table. ==

So, after all that, we went back to school at 9.30pm and carried the instruments back up to the music room.

After off-ing the lights there, it was scary. :O

And I took Joelle's car home. :D

In the car, I didn't dare to talk so all I had was time.

I was thinking... And thinking.... And thinking. ><

I don't need to explain any further.

And about the trip on Monday,

I'm excited.... :D

and nervous........ ><

NITE!

GAHHHHHHHHHH

I dreamed of him last night. ><

I didn't want to.

But as usual, ShiZhe kept trying to make us a couple so they all sat at the same table with me.

I was alone at a foodcourt that time.

Then there was an empty chair beside mine but he took another chair and sat somewhere else.

I was so hurt and I ignored the rest of the guys and continued reading my book.

After awhile, I was pissed and walked away to buy some cake.

I guess the older man who told me that he's like that was his father. ==

That time the man belanja me 2 slices of cake. LOL.

THE END.

:: You Belong With Me ::

GAH!

Don't be fooled by the title.

Okay, maybe what I'm about to write has something to do with that.

Halfway through forgetting about him and I'm winning.

but I'm sure on the trip,

the feelings will come back again.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

so, I hope on that day,

if I need it,

someone go tell him how much I love him.

Please? Do it for me? GOSH.

*le dead*

AND I WISH HWJ and ME bcomes couple on facebook. LMAO.

secret wish~~~~~ GAHHHHHH!!! xDDDDDDDDDDD

Gossip Girl

Okay.

Today, I will be very bored since Im not going out or anything.

So, Im thirsty and hungry for some drama.

And I really wanna be in the drama.

LMAO.

I wish WanXuan continued her coupling arguments abt how me and WengJoe shud be one.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

GAHAHAHAHA

Since CHum and Angel abandoned me midnight on Skype and facebook, i decided to update my blog. LOL. I took the original picture and edit it myself. LOL. ENJOY~~ xDD

:: You ::

It's quite crazy on facebook right now.

With all the coupling.

I'm eating vinegar,

like 10 gallons of it.

My best moment on facebook was when the internet suddenly putus while I was chatting with Jr3B, defending WengJoe.

I came back and saw him asking where I was and PoYi said I scared of him.

I wrote, "I'm back!! Did u miss me? xD" and he said yes.

Best moment ever. LMAO.

Becca:

I love the moments when we both sit on the floor,

with our calmness and just talk.

I guess that's the only time I can be fully honest with you.

LipYi:

No need say so much. U know everything u need to. lol.

Angel:

I admire how you face everything with a smile and a freaking positive energy.lol.

HsinHuey:

If there's anything, don't be scared to tell us. We're here. Always.

Carmen:

PRETTY LADY. Don't be scared. Face it, head on. Ask him straight. But better be prepared before you ask. Okay? If it doesn't work out, there's still others. =D

Chum:

Sometimes, I feel like knocking your head for saying stuff and u don't realize that u made me sad. == And I don't like u running off with REBECCA =3=

Thats all.

I LOVE U PPL.

GOOD DAY!

:: Everything ::

If u hv no interest in reading this, then don't. It's for him.

I care too much.

Even when I know u guys are just playing,

I was like 'why couldn't it be me?'.

It's because I'm an outcast, right?

Or because I'm Malay?

Or even because I'm ugly?

Everywhere I turn, I could see you.

Even Joelle's Mom's face turned to yours.

I love you so so much.

And?

What about you?

You said we just be friends.

We're not even friends anymore.

We're strangers.

I miss you,

and don't expect me to forget about you these holidays.

I can remember your smile,

Your voice,

Your face,

Your laugh,

The way you walk.

I can imagine.

I imagined us together.

So, I'm sorry for loving you.

If I ever had the patience, I wouldn't have fallen for you.

These things wouldn't have happened.

I still remember the day when I started to notice too much of you.

I exchanged places with OSK and we sat together. (Friday)

I helped you mark your paper and you were quite quiet.

Lol.

I actually enjoyed that moment.

And I remember,

the face when you smile at me.

I still remember the time when I was really angry at you,

and I saw you in the monorail,

and you said 'hi' and all was forgiven.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I remember the day when

you wanted to know everything about the crush,

and i especially sat behind you,

and that day was Saturday.

That's how much I care.

That's how much I love you.

I started this thing with an angry feeling burning in me,

and at the end, I'm smiling.

This is all you.

You did this.

You made me smile.

Maybe,

it is time to let you go.

It's gonna take a lot of tears and heartbreaks,

to get me through this.

Thank you,

for making me feel that falling in love is fun,

cuz I've never felt like this before,

even with other crushes.

I wish you the best of luck,

I wish we both would really be friends again.

Graduation (LipYi), i think

Graduation (Becca)

:: Haru Haru ::

I wish time would stop right here.

And replay the last few weeks.

I wouldn't change it abit,

maybe except for the ball games.

LOL.

It's the most memorable year I had so far,

and I don't want it to end.

I expect maybe some tears from me tomorrow.

Things happened.

The only thing that I wish is different is the relationship between me and him.

I wish it could have gone further.

If it did,

this would have been the best year.

I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart,

and wish u all the best.

I'll miss u,

and

I love you all.

MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT EDITING PICTURES

A MESSAGE TO ALL.

MUAKZZZZZZZZZZZz

Memories...

I was scrolling through Facebook messages and a lot of memories. One was with ZhiWen. I tell him stuff cuz I trusted him and I ever forgotten abt the thing when he was bullying OSK and OSK asked me to change places with him so I did. I helped him mark his maths paper and I overheard CHIAO ENG go tell the other guys that I was T's new flavour. LOL.

And then Chum and me were in the computer class and we were plotting for him to catch me when Becca 'accidentally' pushes me. Lol. And then that time, the comp teacher asked the class, "What's the first thing u say when u get married?" He said I love you. LOL. And Chum got all perverted and say me and him kissing. == seriously? and then the time when after PE period and I changed my clothes and I went the back door and they all started singing molihua. WALAO A. and stalking moments with her. GOOD MEMORIES. :D

:: If This Was A Movie ::

I feel so creative.

LOL.

http://zerofishie.blogspot.com/2011/11/blog-post.html

What I wrote here, so poetic. *sniff* XD

I had a dream that I bought the 'under the mistletoe' album.

NYAHHH!!! I wish it's true.

The album not available in Malaysia. It's like I live in Narnia. ==

Anyway,

All the problems are gone.

BYE BYE. :D

Ok. Fine. She doesn't have any feelings for him anymore.

I believe you, LOW LIP YI.

If it's wrong,

Imma kiss u. LMAO.

The sky was pink this morning and I was waiting for my dear husband to come,

cuz she wrote on her blog she misses JR3B so much

and will come today.

PUIIII AR!

The whole week felt different without you here.

And you even missed all the times you could bully me lor.

And so the party began after 梁玉印left.

but before Becca's and Angel's camera came out,

I had a talk with the fish.

O_O

Thank god it was nothing.

I LOVE YOU!!! <3 <3

Then Angel started taking pictures and every one on the 8th floor moved from one class to another to take pictures.

And Becca continued.

And they ended up with no batteries. LOL.

A lot of pictures, gossip did today.

Then, came the event.

VELI DE BORING AR.

LipYi, Becca & Angel all holding hands.

I felt so lonely. T_T

(CHARMAINE CHIAM SHU MIN!)

Then, we all went back to class lor,

waiting for our 毕业证书。

Then, HuiMin came up and said teacher tripped into the rain,

and made all of our paper wet.

I WAS LIKE, "WUT?"

So, Monday only she giving us. :P

Ok. Once I get edits from Becca, I'll post the pictures here then. :D

:: the fact ::

Double whammy today.

And chum's not here.

I just chat to Becca,

describe everyone we're close to.

I describe myself, her and lipyi.

I'm just too good of a reader.

I hurt too many people too many times this week.

I'm sorry.

I got problems.

And with him,

I guessed right.

She still loves him.

I guess that is my cue to leave him alone.

yay. happy day.

woohoo.

:: 算了 ::

跌班就算了。

见面就算了。

做朋友就算了。

关心就算了。

喜欢上就算了。

爱上就算了。

但是，

我放不开。

:: Rumor Has It ::

(This is most probably my anger talking so please, bear with me....)

11/11/11

They said if you wish for something today, it will come true. A bunch of crap, that is.

First, it was with my very very best friend I could find. EVER.

And I told her before,

that that cow is bad news.

And now the cow thinks she owns you because you guys made up.

The thing is,

When I tell you, you don't listen to me.

You mean the world to me and I really care about you.

Just now, I really didn't want to talk to you.

You know why?

Because I felt like screaming at you.

I don't want you to regret what you did nor I want to see you get hurt.

Best friends for 3 years.

Longest friendship ever.

If I scolded you at school, I would have cried there.

So, I went home and scolded my wall and cried.

This happened the 2nd time already.

And I don't feel like caring anymore.

This may sound harsh but,

sometimes I feel like telling you,

that after you get hurt again,

don't come back crawling to me.

I'm still very angry.

Thank God you have 3 wives, 1 girlfriend and others to take care of you.

I don't want to care.

Let's just be friends. No strings and no telling secrets to each other.

We don't console each other.

We don't care about each other.

Why does it matter that you make friends with everybody?

Even your closest friends are walking all over you.

They're taking advantage of you.

I wish you could see that.

But I can't change you.

I don't want you to apologize

cz it's you.

&

I don't hate you.

I never will.

That's all.

And after the grueling torture in the hall,

I went back to class.

Not a lot of people up there yet.

4C said to the SiJing:

"Aiyerrr.... MA LAT LOU!"

aka HIM.

then everybody started saying it too.

My theory was correct.

She still loves him.

Ok. Bye.

:: FA LA LA ::

This morning,

I'm kinda screwed up.

LOL.

I screamed at Becca cz I was so frustrated about him.

I'm really sorry!! >.<

I didn't mean all that to happen.

WHY THE FUDGE IS HE WITH BECCA & CHUM SAME GROUP!?

SO UNFAIR LAR!!

>.<

吃醋-ing...

We all were gathering around my table,

and the group's leader all asking for phone numbers.

He was near me, asking for Becca's number.

I looked at his hand,

thinking to grab it. lol.

Thinking what it feels like to hold his hands.

Then, later after the 彩排for the 毕业典礼,

I went to the canteen to buy food.

I could see him standing in front of the door so I waited like 10 person behind him.

Watching out so that I wouldn't bump into him.

Then, I waited for him to leave the burger stall

then I go buy. LOL.

I thought he went upstairs dy so I walk happily to the lift.

I turned to my right and I could see him in the 贩卖部.

WALAO.

I RAN, MAN.

After I reached the class,

I ate lor.

My pineapple and burger. :D

We all sat on the floor.

Me, Becca, Angelica and Hsin Huey. :)

We were talking and he was sitting at his place, eating.

He finished eating and stood up.

That time, I asked everyone there,

"我的缺点leh?"

Becca loudly said, "缺点啊？很多喔!"

The 4 of us started laughing.

That time I didn't look at him.

And suddenly Hsin Huey told me,

He looked at our direction and smiled.

That time,

I was like,

asdfghjklasdfghjklasdfghjklasdfghjklasdfghkl.

I had my water bottle in my hand and

I rolled it across my face,

PANICKING.

LAUGHING,

SMILING,

CONFUSED.

walao.

this guy is messing with my head and heart leh.... >.<

I MISS U, CHUM!!! WE ALL CAN GOSSIP TOGETHER. :D

:: All I Want Is You ::

就算他知道了，

I still work hard to get his attention.

I'm not giving up,

cz I know I still have a slight chance.

Maybe 20% chance.

Today,

got 大扫除。

I went down after doing all my duty.

Actually I have no responsibility to wipe anything or whatever.

I went back up and lied to the prefects,

just to see him.

>.<

Then, I see him messing with the girls,

giving them more attention.

I know it's him.

His personality.

Even on facebook like that.

But I can't help feeling jealous.

I was wiping the wall while listening to him laugh,

scream.....

I would turn my head sometimes,

to look at him.

Even while playing the UNO cards.

I asked Hsin Huey to move a bit,

so that I could see him,

sitting on the floor,

playing cards.

>.<

He would make me smile,

even when he doesn't talk to me.

He makes me laugh,

even when he doesn't know it.

Maybe I'm the only one giving out for this. :/

AND　Ｉ＇Ｍ　ＲＥＡＬＬＹ　ＰＩＳＳＥＤ　ＡＢＴ　ＴＨＥ　ＧＲＯＵＰＳ　ＦＯＲ　ＤＡ　ＴＲＩＰ．　ＷＨＹ　ＡＲＥＮ＇Ｔ　Ｉ　ＩＮ　ＨＩＳ　ＧＲＯＵＰ？　＞．＜

:: If I Never Knew You ::

I really want to tell him what I'm feeling,

Yet,

I don't want to make him feel like he did sth wrong.

It's still his option.

This sadness is making me eat stuff lots more than I used to.

I love you.

:: See No More ::

I wrote to him.

Finally.

And as I thought,

I have no such luck.

He's smart for making a joke before sayin ' we shud js be frens'

While I was reading that msg,

I was laughing.

Good move.

But after an hour,

that joke ain't even funny anymore.

Reality hits me.

Becca said we can joke around again and be friends.

The fact is,

I don't want to be JUST FRIENDS.

But I really don't wanna make him upset.

Most probably,

I'll fake that I accepted what he said.

Then,

what was all the signs for?

Was it to lead me on?

I don't wanna think he's that kind who likes breaking a girl's heart.

All the signs.

I remember all of it.

I still love him with all my heart,

and I just don't wanna think that he thinks I deserve some other guy,

cz there's a reason i pick him.

His joke in the message was a cushion to protect me from falling too hard.

A joke about ZiEe being gay.

It's not funny anymore.

I love you.

:: GR8 ::

This is why I hate loving someone.

Every move they make,

we would respond.

And I want to let him go.

So that I wouldn't care.

You know how hard it is to do that?

Most probably Becca's right.

I should have followed my mind instead my heart.

Following the heart only makes things worse.

Now, I don't want to think about it.

The games are later.

3 matches.

Can't get distracted.

:: Unbroken ::

I may have another crack on my heart.

>.<

Maybe this is small to what could have happen if we were together.

I'm doing this for me.

So that this wouldn't happen anymore.

The feeling when you think that the other person cares for you,

a lot,

and it turns out they didn't.

The feeling when you think you finally found a person to have the special 'thing' with,

it turns out they're not.

The feeling when you're flying when they rip off your wings,

and let you fall.

I'm falling face first.

I should control my imagination at the first place.

This wouldn't have happened if I did.

Thinking that we could be something.

I'm so wrong.

I so need help to get through tomorrow.

Decisions

I will forget about you.

:: No One ::

He said something really hurtful today.

I could have scolded him right then.

But the words that came out of my mouth was just as loud as my speaking tone.

I cried after losing the badminton match,

with a bad leg,

my mood was like a roller coaster.

And I cried after he said that.

It felt like it was my fault,

you know?

But after awhile,

I forgave him.

I want him.

But that made me think.

If he really cares,

he wouldn't act like that.

And he would apologize.

That is the least that he can do.

He didn't.

Maybe he doesn't deserve me.

At all.

But the feeling is like he doesn't care.

And I'm crying now.

lol.

I really should forget about this whole thing.

Should forget about him.

But this whole thing,

is gonna stick in my head,

while I'm playing,

on a duty.