Being an Anon.

Right now, I have a new hobby,
that is being an anon.
Im a Selena Gomez anon.
Nothing else to do and I obviously love to help people. :)
selgoanon.tumblr.com
Go there and message me if you want.
Just don't blow my secret, k?
Im there as Selena. :))

Anyways, I met a lot of nice people there.
Even this girl from England.
I don't know her name but she is also a SG anon.
We've been calling each other niggas. xD
That proves that we're kinda close. LOL.

So, I told her about da fruit.
I told her everything and she ended up saying I should marry him.
I was like, "seriously?"
she said yes.
And then today, I told her about an incident just now.
They all BBQ at PuiSan's house mar.
Then SzeMun go chat with me, suddenly saying he wanted to speak to me.
I freaked out for awhile. :P
Then, he said hi and asked me why I wasnt there.
I answered him and he went away somehow.
SO, I called him wuliao then he scolded me back, "IM WULIAO!?"
then went singing Lee Hom's songs, according to SM anyways.
So, I wrote on his wall, "wuliao lar u, dude."
DUDE!? DUDE!? im crazy.
THE END.

so the anon told me that he obviously was thinking about me and cares about me.
I was like, "Huh? Im not sure about that."
"Most prob he is."
"Ok. I don't want to think about it now."

Ok, I'll admit, I didn't handle the feeling, just burying it, so I'm officially still in love with him. Haha. Im bad. :P I wonder how Im gonna act around him.
I miss him. LOL.

Sooooooo.......... >< it's almost 1am now, listening to SG's songs. I love her now. ><
A song that describes my situation.
omg. Can I go to sleep now? Don't invade my mind lar, fruit.

~SelGoAnon

Fudge

我也不知道要怎么样现在。
我其实很生气你，还在。
不想跟你讲话。
我昨天那么样都是因为我关心你。
你知道我几担心吗？
过后，你就那样跟我讲话。
我就。。。算了。
我一整晚都在想着你。。。
我也不知道我什么事。
可能我变了。
我不知道。

~俐娜

Is it too late?

I feel awesomely terrible today.
Going through my cycle the fourth time this two months.
So, it explained the mood I'm having.
And I sort of ran off and got angry with someone.
I didn't bother to think about it and I just don't want to hear anything about it.
I didn't want to text that person abt it.
I was being a bitch.
I'm sorry.
But my feelings are true.
I feel lonely and abandoned.
All the time.
I texted brother and zhiwen today. they both didn't reply.
I didn't bother texting others cuz they most prob won't reply either.
I feel so suckish.
And I'm sorry.
I saw what that person did to somewhere, and I realised that person really cares.
So sorry. I promised you and I'm breaking the promise this way.

AND THE EFFIN SCHOOL SYSTEM IS SUCKISH.
I WANT TO MURDER IT.
THE END.

hola holiday

I'm sitting here, making other people happy on tumblr.
I'm making a couple happy.
And I'm here :(
yay. what a christmas.

:: The One That Got Away ::

In another life,
I would be your girl.

Most probably. And I'm spending this Christmas Eve alone.
I never minded so much about tonight in my life.
I usually would go have a one person dance party.
But then, this year, it's especially lonely, even with my parents in the living room.
It somehow feels like there's something missing.
Maybe I'm retarded, I don't know.
I just feel so lonely.
And the Katy Perry song isn't helping either. :|

Tomorrow, I'm off to Melaka. Staying at A'Famosa.
And will be staying with my 12, soon to be 13 niece who will be texting her boyfriend every day. FUDGE.
Maybe that's what's missing.
I don't like this feeling at all.
Help?

omg.

Got 7A... I was like checking the student's uniform when teacher called me.
"I hope your slip is in here. Find your name."
A stack of 8A and 7A slips there. I checked 8A, no such luck. 7A, I panicked. WOW.
I DID IT!! My upsr only got 4A, okay? SO, I FRIGGIN IMPROVED!! :DD
And I beat my cousin who also having PMR this year. LOL.
A lot of ppl called me and it was kinda... ==
So, we all were forced to go AV2 to get our slips.
And I was interviewed cuz I'm Malay and got 7A.
omg.
Then, took picture with me and my mom. omg.
AND SHE KISSED ME. omg.
I HOPE NO ONE BUYS THE NEWSPAPER TMR. ><
I hugged Hsin Huey and Zi Ee after a long time of missing em but it just doesn't feel enough... ><
LOVE U GUYS!!!! SEE YAH!

:: Marry You ::

That's my fav shot of myself so far. I don't know why. But it's nice. :D

Tomorrow, PMR results. Im scared but listening to songs is making me feel better. :)
And I'm looking at memories nowadays. You would expect other ppl to throw away small papers that you pass in class but I keep it. WOW. you guys are hilarious. ==

I rarely think about him, nowadays. YAY! :>

Reading my blog posts. Yeah, he makes me happy but you guys make me even happy. :)
And I realised something. He was playing with me. Most probably. No other explanation. I mean, he does all that and he doesn't have feelings for me? obviously, just playing with my heart. YAY.

FUDGE U. :) I stalked him every day and looked at him dreamily every day, and this is what he gives back? Well, fudge u, beb. :>
I believe I was a great crush. LOL. serious.
Even tho I would stick to u, like glue. I would take care of you and blah blah blah. xP





BYE.

Count On You~

AHAH! xD
Been moping at home all day. Thinking about my convo with CARMEN yesterday, until 1.30 am wor... xDD
It's true what I said. And I totally won the argument. LOL.
I told her, "Your argument is invalid." LOL.
And she replied nothing else.
My result for JUEC. WOW.
I expected to fail Chinese, Science and Maths, cuz I usually do in exams. LOL.
BUT I GOT B. I thought my eyes were like playing tricks with me. :DD
My Eng and BM got A. My mom said, "As long as you're happy. And your BM gets A."
Yep. It would be embarrassing to get B for my BM.
I AM MALAY, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
And PMR'S TOMORROW. FREAKING OUT INSIDE.

Ahah! xD
Been sort of flirting with a dude an hour ago.
Now he's eating dinner.
LOL. First time ever.
HELP, GOD!
I dunno whether he knows that I'm flirting... Hmmmm...... :P
I'm funny.
I wrote as my status, that I don't know who, said that they want to sms me.
He wrote back, I think it's me.
I said, "I think so too."
He replied with, "You really want me to sms you meh?"
omg. LOL.
I'm dead. smiling like looney person. :DDDDD
YAY. xD

erm.... lol.

I'm here, writing at 2.17am...
thinking and all...
I'm smiling like nuts, lol.
I played the "LIke and I'll post blah blah"... and one of my guy friend liked it first so, I just did it.
I ticked "text me."
He said "how to text u."
I said, "Just text... ;D"
He didn't have my number, he said... with a ;P
And I was like, "You serious want my number?"
"Serious lar."
And I gave him my number and asked him to text lots.
And Im like smiling like hell. He made me so happy after the mental breakdown. :)
And I feel like I was kinda flirting with him. ><
I didn't know what I was doing.
oh god. I'm stupid.

SO FUDGING ROMANTIC FOR WHAT O?
I doubt he could sense that I was flirting. LOL.
Whatever lar. He's younger than me. AND SERIOUSLY, HIM?
NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO.
Sure we get along and all, but seriously? NOPE.

*Torn*

Seeing people getting compliments,
Made me think of me.
Myself.
Made me feel like if I’m not here,
It won’t make any difference.
IN fact,
It will be better with one less ugly girl on the face of the earth.

I’m just an ugly girl with big impossible dreams.
FACT THE EFFIN FACT, TZARINA!
YOU ARE NOT GONNA BE A SINGER.
YOU ARE NOT GONNA MARRY JUSTIN.
YOU ARE NOT GONNA MARRY AT ALL.
YOU ARE NOT GONNA BE A MODEL.
YOU ARE NOT EVEN SMART.
YOU ARE NOTHING.
YOU ARE USELESS,
AND NO ONE’S GONNA MISS YOU IF YOU’RE GONE.
That’s all I feel right now.
Nothing good in my heart now.
Goodnight.

**Forever Young**

~Let us die young or let us live

forever~

If we could only have this life for one more day,

If we could only turn back time.

3 weeks til school time and 1 more week to PMR and JUEC results,

Kinda freaked out.

I mean,

I may never be in the same class with my family,

my own.

The main thing I didn't regret doing is most probably,

dropping my average marks.

Yeah, I guess that's true.

I really thought in my mind,

that this year would suck,

And I would die in Jr3B.

But people I met there,

showed me that I'm not

alone.

Life's too short to regret anything.

And I don't regret meeting any of you guys.

You guys most probably have seen me in my weakest time.

I appreciate that.

I really do.

Thinking of how I stayed away from my

primary classmates.

They weren't for me.

I don't belong there.

I belong with you guys.

"The test of true friends is to see who stays and leaves when you're down."

And you guys stayed.

Well, maybe this holiday,

we're too far apart,

and some people don't answer their phone.

==

That we may drifted a bit.

But we surely can pick up our relationship when school opens.

EVERYBODY!

SERIOUSLY PRAY FOR OUR CLASS TO BE THE SAME!!

And I'm finally over him. :)

I feel so proud of myself.

Maybe I don't love him anymore,

but I still think abouthim,

but in a friend way.

And special shoutout to ZiEe,

for finally admitting me as your sister.

And proving to me,

that guys can be as sweet as you,

and musical. :)

I love you, Bro~

I don't cry about it anymore.

But,

I still want a boyfriend.

Justin freaking Bieber has a freaking girlfriend who he freaking loves,

and Im sitting here,

"OMG. WHYYYYYYYYYY????"

and the British boys kinda proves that

there are boys like me,

who can be silly and sweet in public. :)

They are absolute angels with angelic voices. :)

But unfortunately, they're over 17 and all taken.. T_T

And they make me want to have a boyfriend like them.

GOD.

So, I'm going out with Reika this Wednesday,

just hanging out.

If no one else comes,

it'll be both of us only.

Hope some guys hit on me.

LOL.

And with my new glasses,

I feel like Superwoman. :)

and I feel that I look prettier. :D

Love you, babes.

Thank you for the splendid year.

And for helping me through this bump in the road.

Need any help, I'll call Superwoman to help you guys, kays? :)

Adele - Turning Tables (Live at Largo)

Turning Tables

Next time I'll be braver,

I'll be my own savior.

Feel extremely lonely.

No matter who I text,

90% of the time they won't reply.

But I'm not gonna whine about that,

right?

IM SO HAPPY.

IM SMILING LIKE NEVER BEFORE.

I HAVE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT ME.

WEEEEEEE...

LET'S PARTY.

Total Eclipse Of The Heart

Once upon a time I was fallin in love

Now I'm only fallin apart

Yesterday, I went to my mom's reunion dinner.

It was kinda boring at first and the food's not that great,

except for the fish.

Then, one of Malaysia's greatest rocker came and performed.

I sang along to the songs.

His voice was awesome.

Then, I forgotten what song,

but he said,

"Love requires sacrifice."

Then, Mom told me,

"If you're in love, you tell me, cz you'll get heartbroken."

And that made me think of him until the moment I fell asleep at home.

That moment when Mom said that,

I cried for awhile.

I thank the place for being dark.

I think I'm in love cz,

when I think back,

I think it's love at first sight.

When I saw him on the first day of school,

I felt different.

The feeling was unknown so,

I just ignored it.

And memories started flooding my mind.

The day when we both made each other laugh.

How much effort to make you notice me sometimes.

The day when I catwalked in front of you.

I still couldn't believe it happened.

I gotta thank my husband for this.

Sze Mun knows about me and him.

After a week of knowing, she's still shocked.

She kept asking why I love him.

I don't know.

Anyway,

she asked me whether wanna join her to Sunway.

"After he comes back, of course."

And I said, "Sunway far, no transport."

I don't know lar.

.I love him.

Avril Lavigne - Wish You Were Here

This actually what I feel like right now and I can't stop it....

Here Beside Me

Me and him got coupled up on Facebook.

I was kinda wishing it didn't happen.

now everybody's talking about him,

And I miss him.

People ask me why you love him.

the thing is,

I don't even know.

There's this feeling,

that I don't even know existed.

When I miss him,

I want him near me,

just holding my hands is enough.

*crying*

it's not like I chose him.

I didn't.

It just happened.

At that time,

I wasn't searching for love or anything.

I was happy with Chum & Becca & Rach.

And *BOOM*,

it happened.

SM knows.

She asked me,

Does he deserve your love?

I DON'T KNOW.

Although I answered NO to her,

I wanna believe he does.

Now,

I don't know what to do,

I just want someone to hug me tight and never let go.

:: Gotta Be You ::

We're back from the Tanjung Sepat trip!!

We slept for about 2 hours only yesterday so I slept for another 4 hours at home. Can't hold my eyes any longer. ><

Yesterday,

Dad sent me to school and I arrived the same time as Adelyn. I'm like "YAY!! I won't be alone!"

Then he came. I was like "I don't see anything." But I did and I like it. ;)

Green and V-necked. At that moment I was kinda in a denial but he's hot. ><

We all decided to wear rainbow shirts. :DD

Turns out to be a great idea. :DD (who thought of it: MOI xDD)

We got on the bus and we're off.

Carmen and I had a promise and she said she's gonna keep it and I was like, "I dunno... " She's even gonna put a picture with it. WALAO.

We went to dragonfruit farm and longan farm. :DD

The whole time, I was holding on to someone's hand (made me feel a lot safer) and stalking him, really.

When one time I got really dreamy about him that I typed on my phone and I showed my people.

Chum go take my phone and ran off to show it to him.

I was like screaming my head off. dang you.

Then, we went to the lover's bridge to have our lunch.

After eating, we all went for a walk on the bridge.

It would have been nice to walk with a guy but with my people, it's enough. =)

And at night, we all played in the sand, writing our names on it, built a fort which looks like a freaking UFO.

Then we played games and talked to our cute class teacher.

ARGHH... class politics totally ruined the damn talk.

Then, after we went to our room, we started our talk.

I found out something about him and I didn't care.

I thought, "I'll show you that I'm different from her. Because I am."

I cried in the toilet, even.

And we all ended up with 2 hours of sleep. LMAO.

IN the bus, me and Carmen took fab pictures and hope it comes out right.

SO,

IT WAS AWESOME. THE SCENERIES. THE TIME SPENT WITH MY PEOPLE.

I LOVE THEM SO VERY MUCH.

and I've decided that I'm not gonna stop loving him and I'll show him that I'm different from her.

And the only coincidence on facebook is that nowadays when I go online, he goes online... >< I'm so full of myself.

And I'm skipping my activity tomorrow to watch Breaking Dawn: Part 1. :DD

I'm so gonna cry.

:: A Thousand Years ::

A song called "A Thousand Years" sang by Christina Perri, the lady who sang "Jar Of Hearts".

A few parts of the lyrics are at the bottom.

It's made for Breaking Dawn. And I love it. c:

It sounds so..... indescribable.

I'm gonna watch Breaking Dawn with Joelle this Thursday at Mid Valley.

On the premiere day. Hope it's gonna be good.

It's midnight now and I'm still not sleeping.

Tomorrow I have to wake up early to go to the trip.

All things are set, only my mind and heart aren't.

I'm gonna see him again and I'm scared.

For once, I'm scared to see someone I miss so much.

I'm scared to death and I don't know why.

I miss all my family too but I'm not scared to see them.

I guess I'm scared that the feeling will pour out again.

I feel like I buried it in me. BECCA, I told you. It's bad.

He and I have no connections left.

I hope the trip goes well and I wish that we can have fun, without any emotions involved.

How to be brave?

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?

I have died every day waiting for you~~

Deadbeat.

I started out with a weird feeling in me today.

Because of that stupid dream. ==

I went to school today because I had a fund-raising performance today near ChungHwa.

I expected it to be like boring and dull.

But it was fun,

except for the part where I had to carry my double bass up and down the damn complex and the bus. ==

We all were urging the teachers to let us go eat something and we finally could.

We went to Secret Recipe to eat cake and drink tea. :D

GAHHHH

And I went to the bakery to get me some Portugese Egg Tart.

So, it was time for us to perform and I swear the people down there were like only focusing on their food on the table. ==

So, after all that, we went back to school at 9.30pm and carried the instruments back up to the music room.

After off-ing the lights there, it was scary. :O

And I took Joelle's car home. :D

In the car, I didn't dare to talk so all I had was time.

I was thinking... And thinking.... And thinking. ><

I don't need to explain any further.

And about the trip on Monday,

I'm excited.... :D

and nervous........ ><

NITE!

GAHHHHHHHHHH

I dreamed of him last night. ><

I didn't want to.

But as usual, ShiZhe kept trying to make us a couple so they all sat at the same table with me.

I was alone at a foodcourt that time.

Then there was an empty chair beside mine but he took another chair and sat somewhere else.

I was so hurt and I ignored the rest of the guys and continued reading my book.

After awhile, I was pissed and walked away to buy some cake.

I guess the older man who told me that he's like that was his father. ==

That time the man belanja me 2 slices of cake. LOL.

THE END.

:: You Belong With Me ::

GAH!

Don't be fooled by the title.

Okay, maybe what I'm about to write has something to do with that.

Halfway through forgetting about him and I'm winning.

but I'm sure on the trip,

the feelings will come back again.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

so, I hope on that day,

if I need it,

someone go tell him how much I love him.

Please? Do it for me? GOSH.

*le dead*

AND I WISH HWJ and ME bcomes couple on facebook. LMAO.

secret wish~~~~~ GAHHHHHH!!! xDDDDDDDDDDD

Gossip Girl

Okay.

Today, I will be very bored since Im not going out or anything.

So, Im thirsty and hungry for some drama.

And I really wanna be in the drama.

LMAO.

I wish WanXuan continued her coupling arguments abt how me and WengJoe shud be one.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

GAHAHAHAHA

Since CHum and Angel abandoned me midnight on Skype and facebook, i decided to update my blog. LOL. I took the original picture and edit it myself. LOL. ENJOY~~ xDD

:: You ::

It's quite crazy on facebook right now.

With all the coupling.

I'm eating vinegar,

like 10 gallons of it.

My best moment on facebook was when the internet suddenly putus while I was chatting with Jr3B, defending WengJoe.

I came back and saw him asking where I was and PoYi said I scared of him.

I wrote, "I'm back!! Did u miss me? xD" and he said yes.

Best moment ever. LMAO.

Becca:

I love the moments when we both sit on the floor,

with our calmness and just talk.

I guess that's the only time I can be fully honest with you.

LipYi:

No need say so much. U know everything u need to. lol.

Angel:

I admire how you face everything with a smile and a freaking positive energy.lol.

HsinHuey:

If there's anything, don't be scared to tell us. We're here. Always.

Carmen:

PRETTY LADY. Don't be scared. Face it, head on. Ask him straight. But better be prepared before you ask. Okay? If it doesn't work out, there's still others. =D

Chum:

Sometimes, I feel like knocking your head for saying stuff and u don't realize that u made me sad. == And I don't like u running off with REBECCA =3=

Thats all.

I LOVE U PPL.

GOOD DAY!

:: Everything ::

If u hv no interest in reading this, then don't. It's for him.

I care too much.

Even when I know u guys are just playing,

I was like 'why couldn't it be me?'.

It's because I'm an outcast, right?

Or because I'm Malay?

Or even because I'm ugly?

Everywhere I turn, I could see you.

Even Joelle's Mom's face turned to yours.

I love you so so much.

And?

What about you?

You said we just be friends.

We're not even friends anymore.

We're strangers.

I miss you,

and don't expect me to forget about you these holidays.

I can remember your smile,

Your voice,

Your face,

Your laugh,

The way you walk.

I can imagine.

I imagined us together.

So, I'm sorry for loving you.

If I ever had the patience, I wouldn't have fallen for you.

These things wouldn't have happened.

I still remember the day when I started to notice too much of you.

I exchanged places with OSK and we sat together. (Friday)

I helped you mark your paper and you were quite quiet.

Lol.

I actually enjoyed that moment.

And I remember,

the face when you smile at me.

I still remember the time when I was really angry at you,

and I saw you in the monorail,

and you said 'hi' and all was forgiven.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I remember the day when

you wanted to know everything about the crush,

and i especially sat behind you,

and that day was Saturday.

That's how much I care.

That's how much I love you.

I started this thing with an angry feeling burning in me,

and at the end, I'm smiling.

This is all you.

You did this.

You made me smile.

Maybe,

it is time to let you go.

It's gonna take a lot of tears and heartbreaks,

to get me through this.

Thank you,

for making me feel that falling in love is fun,

cuz I've never felt like this before,

even with other crushes.

I wish you the best of luck,

I wish we both would really be friends again.

Graduation (LipYi), i think

Graduation (Becca)

:: Haru Haru ::

I wish time would stop right here.

And replay the last few weeks.

I wouldn't change it abit,

maybe except for the ball games.

LOL.

It's the most memorable year I had so far,

and I don't want it to end.

I expect maybe some tears from me tomorrow.

Things happened.

The only thing that I wish is different is the relationship between me and him.

I wish it could have gone further.

If it did,

this would have been the best year.

I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart,

and wish u all the best.

I'll miss u,

and

I love you all.

MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT EDITING PICTURES

A MESSAGE TO ALL.

MUAKZZZZZZZZZZZz

Memories...

I was scrolling through Facebook messages and a lot of memories. One was with ZhiWen. I tell him stuff cuz I trusted him and I ever forgotten abt the thing when he was bullying OSK and OSK asked me to change places with him so I did. I helped him mark his maths paper and I overheard CHIAO ENG go tell the other guys that I was T's new flavour. LOL.

And then Chum and me were in the computer class and we were plotting for him to catch me when Becca 'accidentally' pushes me. Lol. And then that time, the comp teacher asked the class, "What's the first thing u say when u get married?" He said I love you. LOL. And Chum got all perverted and say me and him kissing. == seriously? and then the time when after PE period and I changed my clothes and I went the back door and they all started singing molihua. WALAO A. and stalking moments with her. GOOD MEMORIES. :D

:: If This Was A Movie ::

I feel so creative.

LOL.

http://zerofishie.blogspot.com/2011/11/blog-post.html

What I wrote here, so poetic. *sniff* XD

I had a dream that I bought the 'under the mistletoe' album.

NYAHHH!!! I wish it's true.

The album not available in Malaysia. It's like I live in Narnia. ==

Anyway,

All the problems are gone.

BYE BYE. :D

Ok. Fine. She doesn't have any feelings for him anymore.

I believe you, LOW LIP YI.

If it's wrong,

Imma kiss u. LMAO.

The sky was pink this morning and I was waiting for my dear husband to come,

cuz she wrote on her blog she misses JR3B so much

and will come today.

PUIIII AR!

The whole week felt different without you here.

And you even missed all the times you could bully me lor.

And so the party began after 梁玉印left.

but before Becca's and Angel's camera came out,

I had a talk with the fish.

O_O

Thank god it was nothing.

I LOVE YOU!!! <3 <3

Then Angel started taking pictures and every one on the 8th floor moved from one class to another to take pictures.

And Becca continued.

And they ended up with no batteries. LOL.

A lot of pictures, gossip did today.

Then, came the event.

VELI DE BORING AR.

LipYi, Becca & Angel all holding hands.

I felt so lonely. T_T

(CHARMAINE CHIAM SHU MIN!)

Then, we all went back to class lor,

waiting for our 毕业证书。

Then, HuiMin came up and said teacher tripped into the rain,

and made all of our paper wet.

I WAS LIKE, "WUT?"

So, Monday only she giving us. :P

Ok. Once I get edits from Becca, I'll post the pictures here then. :D

:: the fact ::

Double whammy today.

And chum's not here.

I just chat to Becca,

describe everyone we're close to.

I describe myself, her and lipyi.

I'm just too good of a reader.

I hurt too many people too many times this week.

I'm sorry.

I got problems.

And with him,

I guessed right.

She still loves him.

I guess that is my cue to leave him alone.

yay. happy day.

woohoo.

:: 算了 ::

跌班就算了。

见面就算了。

做朋友就算了。

关心就算了。

喜欢上就算了。

爱上就算了。

但是，

我放不开。

:: Rumor Has It ::

(This is most probably my anger talking so please, bear with me....)

11/11/11

They said if you wish for something today, it will come true. A bunch of crap, that is.

First, it was with my very very best friend I could find. EVER.

And I told her before,

that that cow is bad news.

And now the cow thinks she owns you because you guys made up.

The thing is,

When I tell you, you don't listen to me.

You mean the world to me and I really care about you.

Just now, I really didn't want to talk to you.

You know why?

Because I felt like screaming at you.

I don't want you to regret what you did nor I want to see you get hurt.

Best friends for 3 years.

Longest friendship ever.

If I scolded you at school, I would have cried there.

So, I went home and scolded my wall and cried.

This happened the 2nd time already.

And I don't feel like caring anymore.

This may sound harsh but,

sometimes I feel like telling you,

that after you get hurt again,

don't come back crawling to me.

I'm still very angry.

Thank God you have 3 wives, 1 girlfriend and others to take care of you.

I don't want to care.

Let's just be friends. No strings and no telling secrets to each other.

We don't console each other.

We don't care about each other.

Why does it matter that you make friends with everybody?

Even your closest friends are walking all over you.

They're taking advantage of you.

I wish you could see that.

But I can't change you.

I don't want you to apologize

cz it's you.

&

I don't hate you.

I never will.

That's all.

And after the grueling torture in the hall,

I went back to class.

Not a lot of people up there yet.

4C said to the SiJing:

"Aiyerrr.... MA LAT LOU!"

aka HIM.

then everybody started saying it too.

My theory was correct.

She still loves him.

Ok. Bye.

:: FA LA LA ::

This morning,

I'm kinda screwed up.

LOL.

I screamed at Becca cz I was so frustrated about him.

I'm really sorry!! >.<

I didn't mean all that to happen.

WHY THE FUDGE IS HE WITH BECCA & CHUM SAME GROUP!?

SO UNFAIR LAR!!

>.<

吃醋-ing...

We all were gathering around my table,

and the group's leader all asking for phone numbers.

He was near me, asking for Becca's number.

I looked at his hand,

thinking to grab it. lol.

Thinking what it feels like to hold his hands.

Then, later after the 彩排for the 毕业典礼,

I went to the canteen to buy food.

I could see him standing in front of the door so I waited like 10 person behind him.

Watching out so that I wouldn't bump into him.

Then, I waited for him to leave the burger stall

then I go buy. LOL.

I thought he went upstairs dy so I walk happily to the lift.

I turned to my right and I could see him in the 贩卖部.

WALAO.

I RAN, MAN.

After I reached the class,

I ate lor.

My pineapple and burger. :D

We all sat on the floor.

Me, Becca, Angelica and Hsin Huey. :)

We were talking and he was sitting at his place, eating.

He finished eating and stood up.

That time, I asked everyone there,

"我的缺点leh?"

Becca loudly said, "缺点啊？很多喔!"

The 4 of us started laughing.

That time I didn't look at him.

And suddenly Hsin Huey told me,

He looked at our direction and smiled.

That time,

I was like,

asdfghjklasdfghjklasdfghjklasdfghjklasdfghkl.

I had my water bottle in my hand and

I rolled it across my face,

PANICKING.

LAUGHING,

SMILING,

CONFUSED.

walao.

this guy is messing with my head and heart leh.... >.<

I MISS U, CHUM!!! WE ALL CAN GOSSIP TOGETHER. :D

:: All I Want Is You ::

就算他知道了，

I still work hard to get his attention.

I'm not giving up,

cz I know I still have a slight chance.

Maybe 20% chance.

Today,

got 大扫除。

I went down after doing all my duty.

Actually I have no responsibility to wipe anything or whatever.

I went back up and lied to the prefects,

just to see him.

>.<

Then, I see him messing with the girls,

giving them more attention.

I know it's him.

His personality.

Even on facebook like that.

But I can't help feeling jealous.

I was wiping the wall while listening to him laugh,

scream.....

I would turn my head sometimes,

to look at him.

Even while playing the UNO cards.

I asked Hsin Huey to move a bit,

so that I could see him,

sitting on the floor,

playing cards.

>.<

He would make me smile,

even when he doesn't talk to me.

He makes me laugh,

even when he doesn't know it.

Maybe I'm the only one giving out for this. :/

AND　Ｉ＇Ｍ　ＲＥＡＬＬＹ　ＰＩＳＳＥＤ　ＡＢＴ　ＴＨＥ　ＧＲＯＵＰＳ　ＦＯＲ　ＤＡ　ＴＲＩＰ．　ＷＨＹ　ＡＲＥＮ＇Ｔ　Ｉ　ＩＮ　ＨＩＳ　ＧＲＯＵＰ？　＞．＜

:: If I Never Knew You ::

I really want to tell him what I'm feeling,

Yet,

I don't want to make him feel like he did sth wrong.

It's still his option.

This sadness is making me eat stuff lots more than I used to.

I love you.

:: See No More ::

I wrote to him.

Finally.

And as I thought,

I have no such luck.

He's smart for making a joke before sayin ' we shud js be frens'

While I was reading that msg,

I was laughing.

Good move.

But after an hour,

that joke ain't even funny anymore.

Reality hits me.

Becca said we can joke around again and be friends.

The fact is,

I don't want to be JUST FRIENDS.

But I really don't wanna make him upset.

Most probably,

I'll fake that I accepted what he said.

Then,

what was all the signs for?

Was it to lead me on?

I don't wanna think he's that kind who likes breaking a girl's heart.

All the signs.

I remember all of it.

I still love him with all my heart,

and I just don't wanna think that he thinks I deserve some other guy,

cz there's a reason i pick him.

His joke in the message was a cushion to protect me from falling too hard.

A joke about ZiEe being gay.

It's not funny anymore.

I love you.

:: GR8 ::

This is why I hate loving someone.

Every move they make,

we would respond.

And I want to let him go.

So that I wouldn't care.

You know how hard it is to do that?

Most probably Becca's right.

I should have followed my mind instead my heart.

Following the heart only makes things worse.

Now, I don't want to think about it.

The games are later.

3 matches.

Can't get distracted.

:: Unbroken ::

I may have another crack on my heart.

>.<

Maybe this is small to what could have happen if we were together.

I'm doing this for me.

So that this wouldn't happen anymore.

The feeling when you think that the other person cares for you,

a lot,

and it turns out they didn't.

The feeling when you think you finally found a person to have the special 'thing' with,

it turns out they're not.

The feeling when you're flying when they rip off your wings,

and let you fall.

I'm falling face first.

I should control my imagination at the first place.

This wouldn't have happened if I did.

Thinking that we could be something.

I'm so wrong.

I so need help to get through tomorrow.

Decisions

I will forget about you.

:: No One ::

He said something really hurtful today.

I could have scolded him right then.

But the words that came out of my mouth was just as loud as my speaking tone.

I cried after losing the badminton match,

with a bad leg,

my mood was like a roller coaster.

And I cried after he said that.

It felt like it was my fault,

you know?

But after awhile,

I forgave him.

I want him.

But that made me think.

If he really cares,

he wouldn't act like that.

And he would apologize.

That is the least that he can do.

He didn't.

Maybe he doesn't deserve me.

At all.

But the feeling is like he doesn't care.

And I'm crying now.

lol.

I really should forget about this whole thing.

Should forget about him.

But this whole thing,

is gonna stick in my head,

while I'm playing,

on a duty.

:: See You Again ::

Today, I woke up at 5am, thinking of him. And I couldn't fall asleep anymore. So, I went online. Nothing to do and I was kinda lazy to go practice badminton later that day.

So, I ate nasi lemak and all and prepare to go school.

In the LRT, chatted with Chum abt him on facebook and,

I wrote 'I miss him' repeatedly'.

She threatened to print screen that and tag him. ==

Gosh, I arrived early and went to mamak stall with Dad.

Waited in the school for Rach.

She arrived and JoeWen arrived.

Rach called the boys and at first we waited in the car,

but then I saw him coming out of the gate.

My heart nearly jumped out of my body.

He was asking whether he can go.

Lol. He was so cute.

I looked at Rach while he told her that the boys were at the pingpong room.

He walked away to his car.

And if it wasn't for JoeWen, I would have screamed there.

blah blah blah....

At night, I went to dinner with mom outside.

And I told her that I haven't told her about anything personal abt me anymore.

SO, I told her that I like one of my classmate,

she smiled and went quiet.

While I was smiling like crazy and dreaming.

I guess I can't get over him at all.

I wish I have the time to see him tomorrow :]

He's gonna be in da pingpong room at the 2nd part,

and Im playing bball in the 1st.

Awww.... That time, I was like,

"I want to see him play!!"

>.<

~ A Girl In Love ~

:: Purple Colour Girl ::

The thing he wrote on facebook, I get what chum meant.

It's either:

1) He saw me so pretty and he no need eat dy

or

2) He saw me so ugly, he no appetite to eat.

it turned out they were eating at Carl's Junior. WHAT!? That place so expensive and I thought they were not going there? theory: He went there to stalk someone. (chum's theory)

Since morning I was bugged by this......................................................................

SOOOOOO?????? YES OR NO?

I dream of him again last night. We were listening to a talk in a really nice hall with seats and all. I sat at the end of a row. SiKai came with him, asking him to sit beside me. He hesitated and looked at me and I was so hurt that I stormed off and chum went to chase after me. END.

:: On Rainy Days, Part 2 ::

We shopped for things we'll be wearing in da trip, which is necklaces, sort of. :D its so nice!! I was very tired and all so we went back to the group which was at the bowling alley. I sat there, watching them play. At one point, he turned around from his game and looked at me like he wanted to do sth. I was hugging my bag tightly, wishing he would. He didn't. I decided to leave with chum and becca without saying goodbye. Disappointed.

Today, I went to school to practice. I ended up didn't do much. I saw him in da morning, touching my phone, acting busy. When I finished playing volleyball with Verina, she asked me to go to ping pong room. I didn't want to go in so I sat on the stairs. Verina called me from inside of the room and looking at me. I wanted to go in so I did. He turned around (his back was facing the entrance) and looked at me. I smiled at him ( I thought, I must do it) and never in my mind, I thought that he would smile back. He did. And my heart skipped a beat. After awhile, in da ping pong, I started helping him count marks for the matches and I answered his question with serious voice. Lmao. I wanted to go back at 3 and I was surprised that almost everyone going back at 1. Chum told me, "He also going back at 3." I was like "Really?" In my heart, of course. I didn't want to leave just yet................................................................................................... But I did.

And I miss him so much already!!!!!!!! >.<

Somewhere in da middle, I had lunch with chum, hsin huey and carmen.

I begged hsin huey to go with muh puppy eyes. lol.

We talked abt tomato mostly, lol.

Because of me.

Ok, thats all.

~I LOVE HIM~

:: On Rainy Days, Part 1 ::

Yesterday was the last day of torture.

SO, we all went to mid valley.

On the way to mv, I saw the guys walking to mv.

In my heart, I was like "Awwww.... So pity..." XD

At first, we wanted to eat at Carl's Junior but Zi Ee went off at the last minute,

so we ate at Sushi King.

Then, we all headed to Red Box for karaoke.

I was like freaking out inside

and chum and becca fixing my hair and shirt. ==

I went in and was disappointed.

He wasn't there.

So, I was having fun with becca, singing and jumping,

then he came,

and I became very ladylike and stayed quiet and laid on chum's shoulder.

Chum and Becca were the ppl who's xcited.

I escaped to the toilet.

Then, ZiEe texted me so I went out to find him.

He was so strong that I couldnt get hold of him.

I went back inside and continued laying by Chum,

she said to me that he was looking at me.

It's was nervewrecking and everyone start singing sad love songs.

I beh tahan and we all went SHOPPING! :D

:: Chestnuts Roasting On A Open Fire ::

Can you blame me for thinking of him so so much?

I'm freakin shy to talk to him lar.

I should slap myself.

It's his birthday today,

and I didn't even say happy birthday facetoface to him somemore.

And I embarrassed myself in front of him.

==

Why am I like this?

So furious about what to do with my hair this friday....

T_T

It's a mess.

I'm a mess....

:: DA FRUIT ::

I'm so not in a studying mood.

I feel like partying and have fun,

and that includes flirting. LMAO.

I miss him so bad.

Can you blame someone who's in love?

This morning, he was online at the same time.

I swore I typed something in his chat box and I deleted it.

>.<

Not now. After exam.

I guess that's what we both were thinking.

Chum said it's bad.

How is it bad?

I have another chance, right?

Right?? >.<

I always wonder whether he would stare at his chat box and type sth just like me,

but deleted it, like me.

I'm so in love that even my tumblr doesn't look like it's dedicated to JB anymore.

~All love~

blerkkk....

Becca said she don't like hot guys.

For me, it's a lil weird.

I mean, who doesn't like hot guys?

I do but I feel like it's out of reach so I just stare and wish.

Even tomato is not that hot.

I mean, look at him...

What's inside that counts. :3

Okay, that day I totally overreacted.

I got totally NUTS yesterday when I was checking my FB at a restaurant at KLCC.

I posted sth on the wall of an event and he replied.

Js because of that, I went crazy.

In public.

I swear Mom thought I lost my mind.

She was freaked out.

Hahahahahahahaha....

ONE MORE DAY PEOPLE!!

I'll see him on Monday.........

|| And I totally wish I dream of him tonight ||

||| Fate brought us together but we decide whether we want to keep us together |||

(ps//: this was while I was taking pics for my profile picture.... I was bored and totally missing him that time. lol)

:: Under The Mistletoe ::

Couldn't wait for ShiZhe to download Mistletoe for me so I went to look myself.

He sounds like himself and I'm proud.

Proud to have him as an inspiration.

Mistletoe has been on repeat for the past an hour and a half.

Gonna be singing it at school and annoy the hell out of people.

Today, after school, I reached home,

I was totally hyper.

Missing him and stuff.

Thinking about him.

Even doodling his name on a piece of paper on the way home.

But, once I got online on facebook,

I saw lots of things that he liked:

1) carmen's new profile picture

2) elevator's status:

Don't be too confident when people say they like you.

The question is until when?

Just like seasons change, people change too/

3) elevator's status:

The hardest thing is to see someone you love, love someone else.

How am I supposed to react?

Happy?

Just a few hours ago, me and chum were just talking about him.

About how I should get him off my mind for awhile and I should kiss his cheek.

that really hurts...

My heart really near broken already but shud thank Justin for playing mistletoe.

That song keeping my heart in one piece.

But I'm scared after I turn it off, I'll cry.

Ms H said that he's not worth my love.

HOW?

I couldn't help but feel happy when I see him happy and smiling,

when he's studying,

when he's full of himself.

I just want someone, a guy to care for me a lot.

I'm not asking for perfection.

My requirements are not that many.

I'm not asking for the dream guy.

I'm asking for a person who's willing to love a girl with his heart,

without changing who he is.

~azunyann

Fudged Day

Can I complain?

May I have the right to say my unsatisfaction?

You, bitch, is an eyesore.

I don't really care you have problems.

I also have problems and I don't act like you.

Total unnecessary.

You want to get me, come.

I'm not your dog.

Bitches like you don't deserve my respect.

Respect is for people who is willing to sacrifice their own satisfaction

for others.

I couldn't say no to Ms H.

She's like another me.

And you.

You're supposed to be her assistant and I'm the one who's helping her?

I don't mind but seriously, do your job.

Tomato,

I totally confused with what to do with you so I'm gonna put you aside for awhile.

Mom,

the itchy thing is not my fault.

SO,

why did you scold me for forcing you to come home early?

HOW IN THE HELL am I supposed to know that it was nothing?

It's still itching now and I'm gettin less sleep than usual.

YOU,

MY LIL COUSIN N ME AUNT.

you both are the same species.

Annoying.

Totally beh tahan dy, u know that?

FRIENDS,

I'm incredibly sensitive.

I thought u knew.

SO, if you start to hurt my feelings,

I will respond in a meaner way,

especially when I'm moody.

I let people walk all over me all the time.

Fine,

I don't care.

Whatever.

CONCLUSION:

I'M VERY MEAN WHEN I'M MOODY.

DON'T EVER TALK TO ME WHEN WE'RE BOTH MOODY AT THE SAME TIME.

WORLD WAR III

:: Tomatoes ::

A lot stuff has happened these few weeks.

PMR.

It was like shit, man.

I don't really know how I did and I don't want to.

The second last day of PMR, me, chum and becca came out early and sat at the 9th floor's stairs.

chum took our her phone and started to take pictures.

I mean,

really?

But I didn't care.

I'M FABULOUS.

PEOPLE WANT ME TO TAKE PICS WITH THEM.

lmao.

just kidding. haha.

On 5/10/11,

something miraculous happened.

In the canteen, he was like walking in and I was pretending not to care.

He came in, looked at me and sat at a table.

After that, he looked at me again.

TOTAL LOSS FOR WORDS.

after he left, i was technically looking for him so i walked from 8 floor with 2 aunties.

found him on 3rd floor.

according to chum, he asked kaixin,

why did I walk that way and not the direction that he was.

*le dead*

the next day, he even came to my class,

looked around and walked back to his class.

I mean who does that?

FOR FUN?

On 7/10/11,

Friday,

I was on skype with chum, telling her that i was stalking him on facebook.

Then, it turns out that she has his msn so she wanted to tell him.

I let her.

I mean,

what could go wrong?

My heart rate was like a roller coaster the whole time waiting for him to respond.

Finally, he told chum that everybody likes him so it's nothing. haha.

He also said that he wouldn't want to hurt me but dun wan pak tor.

AWWW.... :(

jkjk....

SO, i was on edge on monday.

He gelled his hair and seriously was looking for me.

Not to talk, just look.

According to Becca,

he thought I was with Becca when her and chum go toilet at C block so he turned around,

searching for sth in the pack.

(OHMYGOSH MOMENT)

That day, I didn't know yet.

So, when I go to toilet, I go C block one.

When Becca told me, I was hugging a pole outside of the school.

so, lately, I've been trying to communicate with him as much as possible,

but i will freak out.

Next week, he'll be sitting in front of me.

I dunno what to do.

I decide to confess to him when we're on the trip.

Hope, it doesn't fall apart.

<3

<3

:: So Sick ::

Lost hopes. Lost memories.

When I finally have the chance to talk to Justin, or even just being followed by him.

He's going away or might even delete his tumblr.

And did you really think that I just love him like a Belieber?

Anything you say about him, I care.

I have a special feeling with him. I know.

And you're saying that it's not real?

Never thought you would say that.

I just thought you would be different.

Talking to him is all I wanna do.

And I miss him.

He gave me hope, to dream.

And all you do is bring it all down.

GREAT.

And you guys.

I'm effin serious.

All that stuff......

I was so scared that if I told u the truth,

you would be hurt.

But I did.

and?

still did it.

Still thinking you guys would really care about me.

I guess I was wrong.

Bye.

:: Everything ::

I was pissed off yesterday at tomato.

He totally ignored me.

And I was like, "EVEN IF U DUN LIKE ME, DUN IGNORE ME PLEASE!!"

So I was angry.

This morning also I was sad cuz I just want him to talk to me.

Then, I was angry again.

His voice, his face annoys the hell out of me.

I swore to ignore him.

I swore.

Then, I saw him at the monorail while I reach the door he was at.

WALAO.

Then Joey asked me to turn around and not face him.

but I had to cuz people couldn't go in.

So, i looked down and I was just at his back!!!

He saw me and smiled and said hi.

My face lit up and replied him.

I don't know What to do.

We get off the same station and went to the lrt.

The whole time while talking to Joey, I was looking for him.

I couldn't be angry.......

I'm messed up...

Help....

Tomato thingy is giving me a heart attack.

Today, I was trying real hard to communicate with him.

It ended with him ignoring me when I asked him something.

That time, I was so hurt and I couldn't care about anything anymore.

I was like, "I'm not important. It's ok. Go layan Cat."

I swear I wanted to cry but no tears came.

And then somehow, I got hyper because he actually was talking about the 'girl' which is me and that means he still remembers.

And SZ is my spy on their group.

But I specifically told him not to say or ask anything so.....

I don't know what to do now.

Tomorrow?

Let's see what happens.

Justin, Justin, Justin...

I barely have time to go online for him anymore.

Just now, he posted,

I KNOW ONE DAY YOU’LL NO LONGER BE THERE FOR ME. I KNOW YOU’LL HAVE TO FACE YOUR OWN LIFE… U WILL BECOME MOTHER TO YOUR CHILD AND A WIFE TO YOUR HUSBAND. AND I WANT TO THANK U FOR BEING PART OF MY LIFE.I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU ALL, MY BELIEBERS.

I was so sad.

I mean a lot of 'beliebers' are starting to turn their back against him and they are all taking us with them. Justin is sad. and upset.

hey, you there. i will never forget you. If i do, then I’m ungrateful. I cannot forget the person who made me who I am today and made me discover what I wanna be and what I can do. Even if i have a husband and children, I would tell them that I wouldn’t be here without you. You’re the greatest thing that happen in my life currently.

You’re the only guy in the world that makes me happy. I know there’s ‘beliebers’ who turn their back against you. I understand. It makes you feel lost for awhile. My life was upside down until you came. No words can describe my feelings for you. No tears can measure how much I love and care for you. I would never forget you. Loving you is probably the best thing I ever did. And I still will. Forever, remember? We’ll go through this together, hand in hand, even though you’re thousand miles away. Seeing you like this breaks my heart and I wish I could give you a big long hug. That’s all I wanna do right now. I love you, Justin Drew Mallette Bieber.

I wrote that to him. Both of it. How I wish I know him. He should have a big hug and not a belieber hug but a friend hug. I love him so much and I can't imagine life without him.

~azunyannyui